I think I am going to make it a habit to post a new blog at LEAST weekly, if not more... but I doubt I will blog more than once a week. I just have nothing to say... ha ha ha just kidding, I have too much to say.
So today, on this lovely 6th of January of 2010... I dropped the twins off at their new preschool for the first time, and yes, I ran away as fast as I could. It took a lot of energy for me to go get them... how easy would it have been for me to leave them there FOREVER? Hahaha, obviously I am only kidding... I actually got there thirty minutes early for pickup because I missed their dirty little faces and their annoying whining like crazy... but now I'm regretting it.
Okay, that's all from the mind of Heffa... but not really, I just am too lazy to type more because I have a kid leaning on my left shoulder which makes it hard to type. Bai.
I have a lot on my mind to the point where I don't think I can really get a good night sleep, so why not blog?
Have you ever noticed how people are always talking and discussing others behind their backs? How everybody does it, even the most pure and innocent ones? We all do it, and I have no idea why some people say they don't. Recently I have had a few situations arise where I know I am being bashed behind my back, and it frustrates me. Do people know my side of the story? I like to think that I do not try to hurt people or openly bash them, although it is true I sometimes do say a harsh word or two about some people, I never would publicly spread it over the internet, the office, their homes, etc. But I admit that I sometimes do talk and discuss incidents that have happened... but I also know I always give both sides.
I had sent out apology letters to a few people that I know I have hurt, and in return I got the most hateful letters back at me. Honestly, I felt like a complete bitch and I wondered what I had done in my life to hurt these people and I tried to talk about it via email calmly, but I got a huge letter telling me why I am basically a horrible person. At the end of these emails to two different people I ended my own words harshly, something I really dislike doing. Why did I have to lower myself to their level and hurt people more? But that is not what even truly upsets me, what truly upsets me is the fact I know these emails are being spread around, and I know that I am being shown as a cruel bitch. Was my first email shown where I had apologized, or just my last email with harsh words that I never wanted to say to somebody, but I was so frustrated and aggravated with the negativity that I allowed myself to throw it back??
It takes two people to tango. I know I did things wrong in the past, but I also know that so do other people. Another thing that really frustrates me is that I feel like I try to let people know both my side and the other side rather than bashing. For example, a lot of people have been really harsh on the way my boyfriend is with spending time with me and allowing me to see his family and friends, but they only know my side. I try to be really understanding with him because I know his reasons, and I am trying really hard not to bring our relationship up with other people because their first instinct is to bash him, but they do not know his reasons for the way he acts.
Is that why I am being called a stupid bitch? Is that why I am getting little messages from people telling me what is being said behind my back? Because my side isn't being shown? Do I really deserve to burn and be called an enemy? Is that necessary? I am so frustrated with the way things are happening right now and obviously it's a sign I should not tell people I am sorry.
Oh life, you are so crazy sometimes.
Today is Wednesday... hip hip hooray!! Two more days until I walk for breast cancer, which I am still anxious, stressed, freaked out, happy, excited, and whatever emotion you want to throw in there. I have so much on my plate right now, I almost want to throw that plate and get a new one... but I can't, because this plate has pretty swirls and stuff on it.
OKAY, it's early, I make no sense, I am tired, I can't really see the screen, but I thought I would blog. I'm watching cartoons, waiting impatiently for my coffee to be done, watching Andrew wolf down some new peanut butter puffs (organic, thank you Panda), and trying to stay awake. What excitement I lead people, what excitement.
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